Divorce – its Emotional Even for the Children

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The main issues I’ve encountered when reading about this divorce dilemma I’m undergoing, are mainly involving children. I realize there are socio-emotional consequences when parents decide to divorce.

The book I read on the subject deals with statistics and research done on children in general, those with divorced and those with married parents. Children from divorced parents tend to fare worse according to the research. I tend to disagree with the numbers as they never define what the “married parents” are. Were these healthy relationships? Were there no problems of violence? Verbal abuse between the parents? Emotional? Fights?

The book states the average child from divorced parents will have more problems in several areas of their lives including behavioral problems.

•Their behavior may involve getting into risky things like substance abuse and promiscuous sex as they reach puberty.
•Anger surfaces at their lack of control of the situation.
•There’s harsh moral judgment against the parents as they become aware of the parents weaknesses and failures.

This saddens me because I, too, am a product of that. My parents divorced when I was 10 years old. And I never, ever wanted to do the same… mainly because my mom ran off with someone else. Amazingly, she got out of that relationship quick and my grades remained at the top after a short period of time. I only came across trouble as my mom dated later on… to a married man of all things.

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Although I damn the day that I married my husband, what can I do about that? What’s done is done. But, you know, I have a great little gift from this marriage: my daughter. And I’m thankful for such a perfect gift. I’ve learned a lot these past years and although I did not want to get divorced (still don’t, for her sake) I fear that our relationship isn’t helping her have a stable
home; it hasn’t really moved from square one. Our unhappy marriage can hardly be defined as good for a child.

I want to stop looking at my past and march on ahead. I need to forgive and forget what has happened in order to move on and provide a sound/stable home for my daughter… because it can’t be done with the way things are. I hope she forgives me. I never intended to thrust her into the middle of this bad situation. But I promise you and HER, things will be better. I hope and pray she isn’t subject to any of these behavioral problems children of divorce often encounter. I intend to be there for her through this difficult time.

“Many children of divorce form strong marriages and happy lives.” Divorceresourcecenter.com

And I agree.

If it wasn’t for the scum my husband turned out to be, and how degrading my life has been at his side, I would never ever throw in the towel.

After 10 years I decided not to let it run my life anymore.

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