Right time to Divorce? A new confession

Mothers seem to know best. Do they?

Do moms really know what’s best for her kids? When it comes to MY child, yes, I do believe I know best. I don’t claim to know it all, but when it comes to the care and well being of my child, I believe I know best (well, better than anyone else… Say, a neighbor or a coworker at least. Someone whose primary concern is not my child).
So when it comes to my life, why can’t I trust my own mother’s advice? I wonder.

Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that we have spread our wings and have made our own lives, even if messed up badly. “I’m all grown up and can think for myself” I would say…. However, I’m fully aware our moms have that motherly instinct that made them so suitable for caring for us as kids in the first place.

My mother spoke with me this past weekend. It was tough to hear the facts she’s witnessing in my life. I am drained. Tired. Unhappy (as I don’t smile much lately).  And she has noticed and can’t keep quiet any longer. I have been reminded that life is short, very short indeed. I realize I am almost 40 and before you know it, life declines. I’m at that point where I know things are NOT going to get better in my marriage; however, I CAN make the most of it now. I’m studying hard. I’ve made the honor institute at the college I’m attending. I have just joined the honor society and earned a challenge award as I get ready to start the nursing program. We will see how I do in the entrance exam. I am doing exactly what the attorney advised me to do: enroll back in school and finish my degree. There’s no reason why I should have to settle for mediocre jobs when my first dream was to become a heart surgeon and save lives!

But getting back to current speed…. My mom noticed I am wasting away next to this man. While I was visiting her he kept trying to call, first my cell phone, then my mom’s. Why? He says he is concerned about me, I know he’s just trying to keep tabs on me. Me! Independent me. The last thing I want is someone asking over and over again where I’ve been or where I’m going. Mainly, who I’ve been with. His possessiveness absolutely annoys me. He has done it for over 10 years. Who I’m with or who I’m talking to should be of no concern to himWhat I say, or in what context, should not be an issue, oh but it is. That’s how he is. That’s how his father is with his own wife, my poor mother-in-law. The person who has never stood up to him. The one who supported him with a management job for almost 40 years. Many of those years he spent in a “depressed” state, playing the poor, lonely victim, and not really in the mood come to find out. She confided that many times she thought of leaving him but was scared to, basically believed his pathetic cries, empty promises, and abusive lies. Why? Because they’re the kind of men that shove their ways down your throat and you somehow believe it.

They’re the kind of men that believe a wife is a possession, a piece of furniture, something that although pretty enough for showcasing, should have no voice, no opinion, no knowledge, no attitude. That piece of property should not look at another lest it turns into a potential owner, never shine itself and stand up straight for it may just be snatched away (or worse, run away)!

It’s time to do just that, run away from the enemy’s grasp (even if it is your own husband or partner).

And its time to trust mom and end things. As much as it would hurt me to see my daughter unhappy, I can’t stand to live in an unhappy relationship just to pretend for her sake. Prolonging the inevitable doesn’t make it any better.

I’m stressed enough as it is waiting for a “right time” when truthfully there is no right time to seek a divorce.