Close to the end of my battle with my soon to be ex-husband, I have gathered my thoughts and made a lot of progress re-establishing my emotional well-being back to normal.
But how can one know what normal is?
Well, let’s look at some examples of what is NOT normal in a relationship:
• If your partner dominates you (hurts you with words, uses angry/hurtful tones, etc.)
• If your partner monitors you (follows you, questions you, doubts you, accuses you, etc.)
• If he/she undermines you (makes you feel ashamed, guilty, worried, etc.)
• If he/she isolates you (keeping you from family, friends, and healthy/normal activities, etc.)
Then, this is a form of abuse, and trust me: it eventually takes its toll on you.
Keep in mind, abuse comes in many forms. We all clearly know what physical and sexual abuse is, but fail to realize that there is a silent form, the psychological/emotional type that comes by itself or often along with the verbal abuse that often accompanies all other forms of abuse.
I WONT LET THIS HAPPEN ANYMORE.
If you are going through this (as many women are): get HELP now.
I encourage you to look at the signs and open your eyes to the possibility that this is occurring to you.
If you happen to know someone who has significantly changed, is different whenever they are away from their partner/loved one, then ask gently (privately and away from their partner) and comment it, as well as offer help to see (first and foremost) the signs.
I ask you to do this lovingly, because, unfortunately, victims of abuse are wearing blinders installed by their abusers.
The blinders I wore for over a decade made it very hard to see beyond them! But because people noticed my not-so-genuine smile, and my bubbly personality outside of his presence, their comments were instrumental in helping me see reality once and for all.
Delving into research of the subject helped me jot down the entire list of the many ways he had knowingly hurt me.
So: end the silent soul-killer now.
Why stay with someone who hurts you?
It isn’t worth it. You are valuable. You were made so beautifully. Created with a great purpose in mind. What’s mine? To help those women who are distressed about their life along with this silent soul-killer.
Before finishing up, I want to inform you what NORMAL is in a relationship, since we covered what it isn’t.
A normal relationship means:
- Teamwork: two equal persons involved in sharing a healthy, loving and trusting relationship.
- Having a nice exchange of edifying words that uplift and make each other feel loved, cherished, respected.
- Not being afraid of saying how you feel to one another, being mindful and respectful, not judgmental of eachother.
- Sharing dreams, thoughts, ideas, activities, friendships freely as well as respecting the need to develop own.
- Having healthy arguments/discussions but not letting it escalate to angry outbursts or spouts. Also, some negotiating, giving in, and/or compromising may be needed and is okay as long as it is not every time.
Remember, every relationship has it’s defects and may not always be perfect, but if it generally feels good to be reminded of your partner/loved one or you have mostly nice thoughts of that person, then it’s a good sign it is a normal relationship.
- Understanding Domestic Violence and Abuse (sbstardust3.wordpress.com)
- Tips On How To Handle Abusive Relationships (conseillesrelations.wordpress.com)
- Domestic Violence and Abuse (hopeandhealing2013.wordpress.com)