Nobody knows when you’re being abused.
Isn’t it amazing that we all know something NOBODY else knows?
It’s a secret.
And like gossip, the juicier the gossip/secret, the better.
Gossip is like a drug (meds specifically). We hate them. We will complain about them. However, we are willing to take them—daily or as often as we can. Reality TV is much like gossip, we are the proverbial fly on the wall.
It’s the same being married to an abuser. We willingly keep this knowledge from everyone and make excuses in our head for the harm they cause us! (An abuser, for those who don’t know, is someone who over exercises their right and power over someone else. Whether verbally or physically, it’s all harmful. It’s all the same: ABUSE).
Do you want to know a secret?
Of course you do!
I just heard a few from one single conversation I just had on the phone with a friend.
Truth is, secrets don’t shock me anymore. I don’t know that there is any particular benefit to knowing a secret… other than the brag factor, “I know something they don’t know!” or “They don’t know that I know! Wow!”
Well, my secret is probably everybody else’s secret. But you wouldn’t know it unless disclosed to you.
Letting a secret out of the bag means it isn’t a secret anymore. OR IS IT? But, oh what a feeling when we let it out.
That’s how I felt when I first told my husband I wanted to divorce him–To get the hell out of his life–Got the weight of the world off my shoulders that day. He was incredulous. Like there was nothing wrong in our marriage. He couldn’t believe I would choose to leave HIM!
Well, my secret is that I was living a lie. I convinced myself that the person I was married to had every right to:
Treat me bad…
To threaten me…
To accuse me of infidelity…
To admonish me for any stupid thing…
To prohibit me from doing things I wanted… buying things I wanted… or visiting people I wanted to see (family included).
To make me feel guilty for wanting to laugh, dress nicely, wanting to further my college education… to work… be happy in the presence of others….
The list goes on and ON!
… but these are the main issues in the psychological abuse I endured.
And worse of all, I pretended this was alright with me.
But know this:
If it doesn’t feel right inside your heart and soul, it probably isn’t!!
So, really….. Let’s GROW UP:
STOP LIVING A LIE, don’t live with your secret any longer. Listen to your heart (or your friend’s clues) and HAVE THE NERVE TO LEAVE YOUR SITUATION AND YOUR ABUSER.
- Traits of A Gossiper (vdcoleman.wordpress.com)
- Avoiding The Gossip Trap. (todaysistasblog.wordpress.com)